jamiemoans

relapse

2006-09-02T15:29:00.000+01:00

I like to think that I have managed to change my attitude and matured my personality however yesterday didn't show it.
I had an argument over something very petty across the room with a member of the team and instead to dealing with the original issue like I should have I regressed and took it personally. Causing my reaction of turning away to be taken as going in the huff.
Just shows that changing is something that has to be trained into you otherwise you'll never change your insincts.

Tokyo

2006-06-01T09:00:00.000+01:00

I've been in Tokyo for 10 days now and have loved every minute.
After 14 hours of traveling I arrived in Tokyo subway station, which is a maze btw, but somehow managed to navigate to Akasaka and met Souza. Grabbed some lunch then headed back to his office where I made full use of the pool, spa and massage chairs. Still not having dumped my case and been up for about 24 hours we headed out to Shibuya for drinks. Man, Shibuya is cool! Pics will have to follow as I can't describe it.

For the rest of the holiday during the day (well afternoon since I never got over jet lag) was the time for visiting all the different districts in Tokyo, but no matter where I went there was just too many hot women and very short skirts to keep me distracted.
Then at night it was out on the town, normally meeting up with Souza's gaijin friends out here but I was even more distracted as the skirts seemed to get shorter at night.

In my second week me, Souza and Gerald went out to the country to do some Canyoning. I'd have to admit I wasn't too sure about it at first and the 5:30 start after a session and only an hours sleep didn't help matters however we went from Ikebukero to Tokyo and got the Shinkansen out to the country. Got picked up by the 2 guides that didn't seem too pleased that it was just blokes on the trip but they got over it and the banter was flowing as we wound our way up the mountain side.

Got kitted out in 3 layers of wetsuits and headed for the Canyon, where we found out what it really entailed. Which is basically absailing, sliding and jumping off water falls. With everything going well and now getting used to the ice cold water we got to the main jump. We had the option, either an 8 meter jump or a 4 meter jump. With Dan and Gerald going first and doing the 8m jump I had no choice. 8m is a long way up when you see a small pool of water at the bottom, the rest of the people look so small and the fact that you have to jump far enough from the side to miss the 4m jump. Bricked it up there but felt good for doing it.

The largest waterfall was the one we had to absail down, it was about 50 meters with a 10 meter s-bend to a ledge then a huge drop as the wall was inverted. Got a good rush doing it and we were all tired out, so the river onsen we went to for lunch was even better. An onsen is a hot spring btw.

I'd recommend Tokyo to anyone, just keep an eye out for the 200 and 300 yen bars and it won't be too expensive like everyone was telling me. In fact I think Souza has a 6th sense for finding cheap bars as he even found a 100 yen bar. That's 50p a pint!
Oh for dinner go for the tabehoudai and nomihoudai deals. That's all you can eat or drink in 90 minutes. Excellent value for money but you normally have to cook the food yourselves, well apart from Pizza :-)

Food is amazing and my favorite place was the 7 dish restaurant in Shibuya, 100 yen a plate with a minimum charge of 7 dishes. That's about 4.50 for a lot of sushi. Not looking forward to paying 16 quid back home for the same amount.

One of my best holidays so far.

va va voom

2006-04-25T22:52:00.000+01:00

After competing in 2 endurance karting events in the past 10 days I'm getting into the racing scene in a big way. I'm also getting a lot quicker now just over a second off some of the pro drivers instead of 4 seconds at the start.

Can't wait for the palmer audi day now.

Taking you Down

2006-04-13T21:33:00.000+01:00

Why after telling someone about an achievement made or piece of good luck that has come your way they feel obliged to have a pop at you to make you feel bad or guilty?

I've came about this before and I'm sure I'll get it again in the future, but I've ruled it out as being jealousy. I think some people just like to be mean to you to make themselves feel superior. I hope I never fall into that category as its just wank!

end of an era

2006-04-07T20:58:00.000+01:00

Gareth has now left the building but not without having a very messy leaving party.
I'm proud to say we gave him a good send off, even if we did break him. 5 hours late for work is quite impressive.

Not quite sure how the next couple of months are going to pan out for me. Just know that its going to be a challenge looking after a team of 12. It scares me that just a year ago people would have run for the hills at the thought of me as team leader, yet those people have now put me in this position. Have i really changed that much in a year?

Geek night? I think not

2006-02-24T13:43:00.000Z

A night out in the big city of linlithgow with DBA's and Sysadmins doesn't
sound like the most exciting night out however throw in some dinner and free
drink all night and it seems to turn it around.

Almost zero shop talk and everyone just wanting to get pissed and have a
good time made the night. I think the rounds of large vodka's and double
malts may have been my saviour for not feeling too bad this morning rather
than staying on the black and black or bottles of tiger.
Or might have been the fact that I appeared for work an hour and a half late
due to a nice lie in.

Improvement

2006-02-24T13:33:00.000Z

Well a lot has happend since my last post and self improvement is high on
the agenda again.
Realisation that your not a nice person can be a bit tough to take, unless
your a bad ass or just don't care how others see you as a person.
Some people will argue that you shouldn't care what others think and be
yourself. Well, I don't agree, you're just going to go on with your life and
piss people off and not grow as a person. Going to the extreme and trying to
please everyone will not work. If you can see in yourself that you're a dick
when it comes to certain situations then you should try and change that.

geneva

2006-02-16T20:45:00.000Z

After a geeky week in Reading studying up on all the new features I had a nice break in Geneva.
There was not much on the sight seeing side of Geneva but just the break alone was great.

Staying slap bang in the middle of the red light district was a bit of an eye opener. Not something I would associate with Switzerland but rather amsterdam. The place was clean and people were very polite. Service was impressive too, less than 5 minutes after complaining about the lack of tea with breakfast in the room. A member of housekeeping was tapping on the door with a hand written appology and a box of chocolates.

Back to Bristol and a dance party at the cooler. Pretty knackered and a heavy cold I managed til 6am. I'm still tired now.
Hopefully a long lie this Saturday will help. How old does that make me sound?

Dangermouse

2006-01-24T03:46:00.000Z

I'm sitting in the office at stupid o'clock in the morning after completing
some work that just HAD to be done a 1am. - The joys of being a DBA.

I'm the only one in this office with only dangermouse on TV to keep me
entertained.

Will the system testing ever end so that I can go home and get some sleep
while it is still dark outside? I think not! #@'T's!

Well only 1 more crappy outage to go...

end#

FATTY FAT FAT

2006-01-05T20:46:00.000Z

Far too much over indulgence during the holidays has left me feeling like chunk from the goonies, so tonight, instead of going to the pub we are having a whiskey night. I'll be helping Andy to savor and enjoy his HUGE selection of Christmas gifts.

Which reminds me:
Decisions, decisions, do I buy the Ipod speakers or a navman with my Christmas money?

new year

2006-01-05T19:54:00.000Z

After recovering from the drive back from Bristol headed back through to Stirling to meet up with the Dunblane boys for dinner at an Italian then off to SRW's for an excellent party till 4 in the morning.

Made the most of the 1st by lying on the sofa like a burst ball until 6pm then took SCO round to my Aunts to tuck into a massive spread of cakes. Although after about an hour any feint smell of food make me turn white.

Happy new year to you all

Cornish wedding

2006-01-05T19:43:00.000Z

After a good Christmas with the family it was down to Cornwall for the wedding of Adam and Emily. The wedding was on the 28th of December and held in an old fort. So very unusual but really good, even though it was a FREE bar and I was driving. Rookie Error!!!!

After the meal a magician went round the tables entertaining the guests. Being sober I thought I might be able to work out how he was doing some of the tricks but I was stumped and very impressed at the money in the lemon trick.
He takes a tenner off a guest with their signature on it then uses slight of hand to swap it for a fiver then a few minutes later pretends to take the lemon out of his shoe then cut it open to reveal the signed tenner.

Well I thought it was well impressive. Anyone willing to tell me how it was done then post a comment.

bored

2005-12-11T21:45:00.000Z

Sundays are so boring. The end of the weekend, knowing that the early start for work the next day is coming. The only thing that helps is the cool pint(s) of magners and last nights pizza.

With this boring weekend I've had time to think and now the dilema has come, what do I do, should I stay or should I go? Something that I will be thinking hard about over the next week.

taxi rip off

2005-10-24T20:55:00.000+01:00

I was going to leave blogging forever until I arrived back at Edinburgh airport late on a Sunday night. However, dying to get home I got a cab. thinking; flat less than 5 minutes from the airport it won't be too expensive. Feck me was I wrong. £13.50 later and feeling violated I get into the house. The only thing that made it worse was Andy telling me that a cab journey from the flat to the airport only costs 6.50.

I have now decided to give cab drivers exact change or make sure I get change. The shower of robbing bast.....

too many

2005-08-28T20:01:00.000+01:00

Now that I've seen 22 shows and only had 16 hours sleep last week I can't be arsed writing up comments about each.

***** Demetri Martin

*** BBC stand up show 60 acts in 60 minutes.

**** Yin-Yang – Martial arts show

**** Abnormally Funny People

*** Amused Moose Comedy – The Final

** Free comedy show – The Canons Gate

*** BBC stand up show again -

*** Danny Bhoy

**** Jason Bryne

** Spank

*** Jimmy Carr

Me and Hitler

2005-08-21T15:54:00.000+01:00

Saturday night and head up to the courtyard to see a show only to fight through the army of tourists to find that every show has sold out until after 10.
Eventually find a show at the Smirnoff under belly titled 'Me and Hitler' very funny show says the woman behind the counter. My ARSE! It was on a par with Vaga$m, all I could muster was a smile and that was when the guy started talking about the girl behind me and the size of her tits.

Met up with the Dunblane crowd after about 7 double vodka's. It was a couples night but I had the vodka jacket on and didn't care. Then on the way home the usual entertainment on Lothain Road; bunch of neds and smurfetts fighting and the cops jump in to break it up. Good entertainment while eating my chippy. Bet Souza won't get this quality Saturday night entertainment on his travels.

fringe update

2005-08-18T18:44:00.000+01:00

*** Umbilical brothers – Pleasance one.
Good show and completely different from the BBC stand up stuff they done.

** The comedy Club – Pleasance Cabaret.
3 new comedians and compare. Some funny things and Dom got a ripping. Venue was a bit to hot and nearly put me into a coma.

Fringe review so far

2005-08-17T19:06:00.000+01:00

* Ennio Morricone Experience – Queens hall -
5 talented Aussies doing spaghetti western tunes. One guy whistled for about 3 minutes straight.

**** BBC stand up show – Pleasance dome –
4 acts and a compare. The Umbilical brothers were excellent.

*** Rhythm Project – Lighthouse –
Different types of dance and music. From sword dancing to African drums with bagpipes.
Excellent, friendly atmosphere made the show even better.

*** David Strassman – Pleasance One – Ventriloquist. –
Some funny parts but sound wasn’t the best when sitting up the back.

*** Pam Ann – Pleasance Beyond – Stewardess Comedy –
Very funny and lots of audience participation which made it very dynamic and on the spot. The Venue wasn’t the best, a bit cramped (supposed to be for the type of sketch)and you couldn’t see all of the stage when sitting in the middle rows.

** Omid Djilali – Pleasance Grand –
Not as good as what the reviews make out. Some funny parts but thinks he is funny by shouting a lot.

POOR! Vega$m – Pleasance Cavern - Absolute toilet. Avoid at all costs!

*** Tartan Ribbon Gala benefit – Pleasance Grand –
Good variety of performers with a few weird ones thrown in. Jason Byrne, topping and Butch and the classic Graffiti were the highlights

more to follow....

Was it something I said?

2005-08-17T19:02:00.000+01:00

Typical! I move through to Edinburgh and 3 good friends have left for more exotic climates.
Provided Souza doesn't get kicked out of Japan and Damo and Sandra don't run out of 5 star hotels to stay in, I'll have a few good holiday destinations to go to in the next year.

stinks of accident

2005-04-26T15:01:00.000+01:00

Still recovering from the epic bender in Leeds this weekend. A reunion of
the Prague stag party and it lived up to all the hype.
JM managed to dislocate his finger and JL managed to break his leg and
ankle. Can't see him doing much dancing at the wedding.

1 lesson learned I learned from the weekend is to leave your phone at home.
You don't seem to get any sympathy for your hangover from the people you
woke up early in the morning.

car

2005-04-22T08:32:00.000+01:00

Typically just before trading the alfa in it goes and gives me bother by
refusing to disable the immobiliser. 2 days later though I've got my new car
and I'm a happy Jamie now.

Apologies to KA for disturbing his hols.

Second Stag of the year.

2005-03-29T13:23:00.000+01:00

Instead of heading for the sleaze of Prague JM booked a Limo to pick us up
from KA��s and take 6 of us through to Edinburgh. After 5 bottles of
champagne, 2 shots and a couple of beers later we arrive at sportsers. A few
rounds while partly watching some of the football and DD squirm in his
uncomfortable surroundings we head down to Fantasy Palace. Since it was only
6 o��clock it was pretty quiet but fun was had by some of the boys. Decide
to nip over to Stanleys for some gambling.
Off to a bad start on the blackjack and decide to move on as some of the
other punters were making some stupid moves. Onto roulette, not a bad effort
then onto poker. Good laugh and walked away from the table even but 140 up.
More strippers where we met up with RK. Wasn��t going to mention meeting him
but he seemed so worried that we spotted him that it had to be done. ��

Took the Limo back to Stirling which turned out to be a bad idea. KA was in
the mood for hurting someone and stag was having no of it so he picked on
the guy next to him. ME! Of course JM and SK decided to join in. JM held
down my arms, SK held my legs and KA decided he was going to throw my jeans
out of the window onto the M9. Luckily I kept my jeans but received a couple
of bruised ribs and lost the change in my pocket, which JM found and decided
to chuck it out of the window instead.
Revenge was mine though when I took all their money off them when we played
poker in the house.

Start of the season.

2005-03-29T13:01:00.000+01:00

Now spring has decided to come along the golf has started. An unusual start
this year, neon golf. A pitch and putt course marked out with neon lights
while using a neon golf ball and tee. Good laugh and slightly embarrassed to
say my first golf trophy ever.

Next day played with the MacMillan brothers and AS in Dunblane. Good day for
me as I was 3 under par taking my handicap into consideration. I think GMac
might want to be return his new clubs after hitting every tree on the
course.

bloody boilers

2005-03-14T14:40:00.000Z

Feckin pain in the butt when they break.

NYC

2005-03-11T10:03:00.000Z

New York! 1 week on and I am still recovering from the multiple trips to McD’s and the local Pizza shop and consuming enough beer to make Barney and Homer smile. What a city!

The holiday consisted of the usual sight seeing trips during the day:
The Empire States building with amazing views of the city.
Ground Zero with its surreal atmosphere and eerie silence.
The Natural History Museum which is my attempt at culture.
USS Intrepid and Concorde.
Yankee Stadium tour; taken by the man with the largest gold and diamond ring on the planet. AS said he only had one hand, I couldn’t tell as the reflection off of the ring and the snow left me blind for about half an hour.
The Circle line tour which was probably my favorite: The views of the city and the commentary from the guide were excellent!
Shopping is excellent with Macy’s, Bloomingdales, canal street and 5th Ave.

Kats Deli (Harry Met Sally) – AS honored his bet by buying me a Pastrami sandwich. Bloody Hell! It was huge. From there we headed towards Canal Street via Chinatown and managed to come across Mya shooting a music video with Cuban Links.

Nights spent in NYC mainly consisted of drinking apart from going to the Knicks vs 76 ‘ers which was amazing. It was decided that Stephon Marbury must get some amount of pussy!
This brings me onto the ultimate NYC attraction. FLASHDANCERS! Where the girls are like centerfolds and take their clothes of in front of you. I would like to make Melanie my wife!

do or die

2005-02-20T22:15:00.000Z

A story I heard today:

Man and woman lying in bed.
Man pulls duvet up to his neck
Farts loudly, says "do or die" to woman
Spits in air so that it would land on her face.
Woman either pulls covers up smelling the fart or recieves a face full of spit.

Now this is a funny story after 3 pints.

Saturday - Things I have learned today

2005-02-19T22:07:00.000Z

Getting up Early on a Saturday is tough.
Halifax seem to only employ 'beautiful' people.
That I can beat GMac at pool.
A half yard of Turbo Shandy in 20 seconds does not agree with my stomach.
Flaming absinth's rule!
Don't trust any one who says Mahogany Vodka is good. Especially when it comes in an old 2 litre bottle of Cola.
I can lift JM.
JG can be used as a human curling stone.
KA likes to suck on toes.
You should avoid the person with the camera at parties.
An Alfa GTV (v6) can do 120Mph in 4th while only doing 6000 rev's

Would you

2005-02-19T16:03:00.000Z

I was driving home from the shops today and turned down a little one way street when an old lady with a walking stick decided to walk down the middle of the one way street.
A group of teens calmly walked across the street, looked at the old woman who appeared to be struggling and carried on. Before I was able to do anything an old man appeared and helped the lady onto the pavement and down the street a little.

Now honestly what would you have done in that situation? Would you have looked and walked past or helped the old person? Everyone would like to think they would have done the latter but it obviously isn't true.

Holiday starts

2005-02-18T17:02:00.000Z

The feeling of freedom is coursing through my body.
I have 2 weeks annual leave.

what a way to spend Wednesday night

2005-02-16T19:31:00.000Z

Stuck in the office fixing something that someone else broke. Nice!

The need for a holiday is great now. Can't get up in the morning, can't sleep at night due to all the things going through my head from the days events. I need to be a part of it..... New York, New York!

The saying "out of sight, out of mind" is very true. It is hard to keep in touch with friends that you don't see everyday. Just finding time/remembering to send a text or give them a phone shouldn't be hard so why can't I seem to do it?

8 days left till take off.

2005-02-15T21:37:00.000Z

Tickets booked for the B-Ball. However trying to convince some of the others that WWE: The road to Wrestlemania 21 is worth going to might be hard.
However I have still have an ace up my sleeve: http://www.wwe.com/superstars/divas/
Trish is hot!

A good friend of mine is trying to figure out a single, full proof way of making ALL women fall for him. Good luck with that one. If he ever manages to work it out before he dies then I'm sure he'll be one f**ked up bloke.

Double header

2005-02-14T14:47:00.000Z

Unfortunately the title doesn't lead to any sexual stories. The 1860 FirePops had 2 games one after the other against 2nd and 4th in the league. Being 3rd there was a lot at stake.

Tired and annoyed at getting beat we sulk off to the pub.

My accommodation plans have now changed again. I think I would regret it if I didn't move to Edinburgh for a least a little while.

too tired

2005-02-14T14:31:00.000Z

Managed to get to H's in time to pick up the keys to my residence for the evening. Dump my stuff and head off to meet Cynic for a dreaded game of Squash. With the hangover just starting to calm down a 40 minute game of Squash was not required.
At least I won one game.

Meet up with AMc, OM and friend for food and some very cheap shots. Flaming B52's and flaming sambucas kickstarted the night alright.
Met up with DG, KMc, Kendo, JK, AD + gf and DMc + gf. Again everyone seemed to get on well. Why was I worried before?
After being bustled about in Bar Khol and having my chest hair exposed to the rest of the bar. It was time to move on to 'Why Not?'. Plus I was starting to get scared of some of the looks I was getting from some of the men in the vodka bar.

After waiting in the cold for 30 minutes we finally get in. Packed full of Rugby fans and eejits it was time to leave after only 10 minutes. A pound a minute! What value!?!

I love it when a plan comes together.

2005-02-14T11:41:00.000Z

Arrived at AMc's and started to inflate the blowup mattress, only to find out 5 minutes later that there was a hole at the other end."BUGGER!" So after another very labor intensive 20 minutes my bed for the evening was prepared.

Went for dinner with SK, DM, Cynic, HP and AMc while my Cousin and her friend recovered from their afternoon piss up and got ready for the next drinking session.
The gathering of 4 different social circles went well and everyone seemed to get on.

Po na na was next on the list. It was hot, sweaty and packed but I was too 'happy' to notice and danced about like the fool I am. The rest of the night was VERY good!

Phoned AMc next morning, he came and picked me up and we went out for breakfast. Although it was probably a bad idea since all my clothes smelt like a nightclub floor at 4 in the morning but a fry up was required.

really bad day

2005-02-13T19:40:00.000Z

Today was one of those days where the saying "wrong side of the bed" comes
into play. No matter how up beat I try to be it always comes across as
snappy or aggressive. Nothing goes to plan and everyone wanted something
done 5 minutes ago. Plus our winning streak came to an end today and there
was a 6 mile traffic jam on the M9.
Unfortunatly however infrequent these days are they are always the ones that
are remembered by colleagues:"Jamie is a grumpy c*nt", "Jamie is a
condesending fanny today" and they are remembered at review time: "Well I
think your attitude might need a little bit of work, so I'm going to mark
you down on that one"
Is it so bad that your not trying to kiss ass all the time? Is it healthy
not to be unhappy or grumpy once in a while?
Probably the only funny thing that popped up today was discovering the urban
meaning of 'oatmealing'
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=oatmealing&r=f

Savior

2005-02-09T19:34:00.000Z

Trying to organize accommodation in Edinburgh for Friday and Saturday has become a royal pain in the ass. Hotels are charging double their normal rates or have no availability due to Valentines weekend and the six nations. However AMc and HP have saved the day. The thought of a £75 cab fare or not drinking when everyone else is having a massive party was not appealing.

For past(cynic your in there), present and future generous offers of accommodation when we're partying in Edinburgh I say; thank you and lets get drunk.

3 weeks

2005-02-09T16:15:00.000Z

I thought I was bad wanting to change my car after 5 months but after 3
weeks DMc wants to sell his S3. Mind you after spending 90 quid a week on
petrol I wouldn't want to keep it for very much longer.

2 weeks today and I'm going to be a part of it.

towed

2005-02-08T20:32:00.000Z

Finally managed to get the email updates working and can now get round the
annoying firewall at work.
Came home today to find out that my car nearly got towed. Apparently I was
blocking an access road which stopped countryside services accessing the
local park and in the same day an ambulance needed access due to an old man
taking a turn while walking his dog in said park. The only day that I park
in that place and get a lift into work everything kicks off. How rubbish is
that?

If my car was towed my argument for not paying would have been. The access
road blocked by bollards (although the council can remove them), it is a car
park with no signs or road markings in that specific place saying not to
park there. I obviously would have ignored the fact that the old bloke could
have bit the dust.

The Hunt

2005-02-08T20:08:00.000Z

Started house hunting again this week and surprisingly it hasn't pissed me
off yet. No doubt it soon will though.

Cynic has been taught a lesson in censorship which has annoyed him greatly
and amused us to no end. The wrath of L was felt. A retraction and groveling
apology carried out.

Keep on winning

2005-02-08T19:56:00.000Z

Another win on the horses today. Touch wood the tips keep on winning.
Although JM did stop talking to me after I forgot to put a tenner on for
him. Horse won at 2/1 odds.

I want to be a part of it.

2005-02-05T15:13:00.000Z

The NYC trip is getting closer and the excitment is building. Old stories of Flashdancers and Christine seem to dominate conversations. I just hope it is as good or better than how they are describing it.

Although if AS gets his way they will be taking LG instead of me. My buy out clause has been set at a gam from LG. I'll take one for the team if there is a gam on the cards.

Keeping regular

2005-02-05T15:07:00.000Z

Rupert has decided to implement a nice new internet restriction in the office, which ban's blogger and even google groups. What will cynic do with his day now?

tipster

2005-02-05T14:52:00.000Z

3 more successful tips from AS. I think this qualifies as a winning streak.

never been so popular

2005-02-01T10:20:00.000Z

decline piss up in Edinburgh. Bad move. Voicemail picks up 14 new messages.
Mulitple messages from JM, KA and AL. Making reference to LN being moist, Cynic being lubed up, and JG going back to bed with his butt plug in.
Play the messages back to JM and CL in work. Everyone pisses themsleves laughing when it gets to the message about shitbeards. I wanna go back to Prague.

Manc land

2005-02-01T10:04:00.000Z

After 3 days of hardcore geekiness. JL course in manchester. I'm waiting in the BMI lounge waiting for my 8pm flight. only another 3 hours to wait. GJ was kind enough to book himself on the last available seat on the 5pm and leave me on my own. Thinking about it I would probably have done the same.
With only 1 hour left to go, in a room full of FREE beer and not being able to drink, I fire up the laptop and try and get some surfing in on the free wi-fi. Then A.McAnally walks in, a good, good, close personal friend of mine. He spys my bouncebackability t-shirt smirks a walks on by to meet the staff that want to kiss his ass.

Dinner parties

2005-01-24T09:47:00.000Z

A far cry from the old town square and Staromestske namesti, The weekend starts with a drink in KA's house then off to one of the cheapest pubs about. 11 quid for 9 drinks, quality. After GVW demolished 2 bottles of vino at KA's it was always going to be messy when the doubles started flowing. Messy but funny.
Saturday was spent winding the Cynic up about his up and coming dinner date. SK and DM were trying to set him up with a drummer girl. I have never seen him so quiet! After wading into shots of an £85 a bottle of tequila, I get fairly drunk and now I can remember talking off my trousers (embarrassment is setting in now) .
Cynic got his revenge on Sunday my making sure everyone in his flat (especially RM) could see the state of me trying to get up after a night on the piss. Then decided to punish me further by kicking my ass at squash. cheers cynic.
Fantasy barrs got a doing last night, with AS replicating a Roy Carrol moment. I wish I could have been there to repeat the glares I often get for screwing up.
Finish off the weekend by coming last in the pub quiz. With free sandwiches and more very cheap pints. I think it won't be the last Sunday night spent there.

aftermath

2005-01-21T14:31:00.000Z

For the last 3 days I've got nothing but dirty looks from the rest of the office for recapping what went on in Prague. They just don't understand the humour behind; "BING BONG" and shooting a prossie out of a cannon.

Pics of Prague :http://www.yourafud.co.uk/index1.html

Organisation for the next team Steve trip has started. Yeeeha!

Next New York. Can't wait. Especially as the ominous shift works gets ever closer.

The classic divide an conquer techniques are being employed to get people doing it for as little as possible. I can't believe some people are saying "I'll do it as a favour until you get something sorted." It is a managers dream.

Prague - End of the adventure

2005-01-21T14:18:00.000Z

After a few hours sleep, a walk around the sex museum and a trip to the gun shop we head back to the hotel. On the way back JM and Steve told CL not to stand on the tram lines when there was a red light incase he was electrocuted. CL takes it all in and starts hoping over tram lines like an excited ape while we pish ourselves laughing. After we had enough fun for 30 minutes we finally told him. CL’s face went as red as his hair.

After dinner went to the George and Dragon. Not somewhere I would normally go but the football was on and the waitress was stunning.

After a round of dodgy vodka and B52’s CL’ dazzles us with his levitating, which was quite good. Not as good as JL who just looked like he was dancing to the birdie song. This meant that every time he stood up to go to the toilet everyone else sung the birdie song. JL clearly not amused.

Next rounds were Sambuca. My specialty. Although I bugger up the first flaming sambuca by laughing and spraying it all over MS the 2^nd one worked. Drunk the Sambuca and keep it in my mouth and light it. JL gets his cigarette and lights it off the 8 inch flames coming from my mouth. My work here is done. http://www.yourafud.co.uk/pages/p1160043.html

Now we are totally in the mood we ask the extremely hot waitress for a good Czech club. First we head to the bar round the corner to hear PS’s story about Pat’s beef curtains and shoving a toothbrush up a whore’s ass then off to the club. Polska was shut so we get a cab back into town which is 5 times more expensive. Bloody cab drivers.

End up in Lavka, good club but wasn’t short of UV lights. We could see our bones. Great tunes. The axel foley tune was playing. Which AS kindly got to hear over the phone in good old Dunblane.

End night by taking 2 american chicks back to the room and kick them out an hour before we are supposed to get up and go for the plane home.

Somehow manage to get back on the plane after visiting the toilet 9 times. JM gets a good result and gets seated next to 2 hot Polish girls. JL uses the classic line. “Will you be my wife? I’ll by you a flat in leeds.” The girls laugh and start talking in perfect English.

Arrive back in Glasgow to snow showers and gale force winds. Joy!

Prague - Day 2 - Shit on her chest

2005-01-16T18:47:00.000Z

Still blinded by the previous nights drinking we head off to the clay pigeon shooting. We were met by a very fit blonde Czech girl and a retired porno star. Picture to follow. The journey would have been a bit quicker if it wasn’t for CL having to get out a spew. The thoughts of they can’t possibly let us shoot but they did.

Although I was a complete beginner I done Ok in the scoring. Took me a while to get use to the kick and avoid shooting the rest of the party, but I was in the top 4. Still a bit away from robbing a bank.The night was similar to the night before. Started off in the hotel bar then headed off on an expedition to find food. Eventually settled down to a burger in an Icelandic restaurant where the sight of one of the patrons washing out his false teeth in the toilets made me want to go home and brush my teeth immediately. I can still hear the horrid sucking noises as he tried to get the excess water out.

Head round the corner to the pussy palace where we got more booze and enjoyed the floor show. Steve went for a private dance which he still hasn’t got over. When he got back we had a table dance which can only be described as AWSOME! I’m sure Steve has cut the buttons off his shirt and kept them in a box so he can smell them later. I am refusing to wash my t-shirt.

Four of us decide to do an all nighter and get tanked up on doubles and absinth. Next? Captain Nemo’s. Apparently some of the guys that disappeared went there last night and thoroughly recommended it. The women were stunning but no where near as ‘talented’ as the previous titty bar.

DR finally went for a dance and all we got when he came out was “I touched her BOOOSH” and constant smiling.

Having spent a fair wack. Most of the guys left for the hotel and we went onto Karlovy Lanze http://www.pragueexperience.com/places.asp?PlaceID=584.

By far the most surreal club I’ve been to. 1^st floor was hip hop which a fair amount of chicks grinding, 2^nd was bad 80’s, where we were greeted by a guy fondeling his missus in the entrance. This was also home to a topless guy pretending to be making a clay pot on the stage while the righteous brothers song was playing. 3^rd was pure techno with a giant statue at one end of the dance floor with lazers coming out of his eyes. The 4^th was the chill out floor where we crashed of quality industrial beanbags talking shite for hours. I’m only had a few flash backs from what was said but “I was pure doing the locomotive”, “shoot in a prossies face”,”shitbeak”,”shitscope”,”Ricky is dead” and “set phasers to malkie” seem to make me laugh the most.– told you we were talking shite.

With 3 hours left to go in the pack, we ask some taxi to take us to an after-hours club. We get totally fleeced on the fare but are too drunk to care. Get into some dodgy café and go downstairs to the club. It was fairly busy with loads of mafia looking guys and their stunning girlfriends, extremely queer looking guys and a big black gay guy that tired to chat up JL.
Trying to fit in we order up some Kamakazi shit and realize we are about to be killed for eyeing up the burds or shagged and eaten by the gays. Head back upstairs drink up and go.

Most of what I can remember from the freezing walk home was: the shooting star that was apparently a prossie being shot out of a cannon with a Catherine wheel tied to her ankle. DR being sick with every step for about 100 yards. Me being bet 100 quid to shit on JM’s chest. Got back to the hotel and I had my boxers down and was ready to fire before JL called the bet off as he seen JM had woke up as I was hovering over him.

Had about 4 helpings of bacon and egg while getting freaked out by the pictures on the walls staring at me. JL just continued drinking his bud and laughed.Some other patrons came down for breakfast. 2 young girls about 16-17 and their mum. JL discussed rather loudly if they would let him shoot in the face. It wasn’t long after that when we heard the mother ask one of the daughters to pass the milk in a welsh accent.

Off to bed, pissing ourselves.

Prague - Day 1

2005-01-14T16:06:00.000Z

So much went on that day it is hard to put it into words but here goes.
After a tame start in Glasgow we arrived in Prague around 18:00. While waiting for the luggage to come through we decided to have a fairly quite first night as we were getting picked up to go clay pigeon shooting at 10am. Got luggage and went to get our taxi. The driver wasn't the most pleasant and put us through the pain of having to listen to bucks fizz on the way to the hotel. Although I was sitting in the front next to Lurch I did get to refamiliarise myself with Prague. (read: I was jotting down the names of strip clubs on the billboards)

We arrive at the hotel and find that it is just prosie throw away from Old town square. The rooms were plush, clean and warm. So we just dumped our kit and went to the bar. Met up with Steve who had been boozing all day and headed off to First Last. A bar owned by the guy organizing the shooting.

Got a round of doubles in and sat at a table full of English guys on a Stag do that were playing drinking games. We all looked at each other muttering 'fannies', 'wankers'. 2 hours later the rest of the bar was probably saying that about us.

We got some food in, which I am blaming for my constitution condition that I am enduring 4 days after. Well oiled and fed we head off to find somewhere more lively.

We find a bar just off old town square that is advertising ‘adios mutha fucker’ cocktails. Sounds good enough to me and we went in. Ordered up the advertised cocktails for JM and doubles for the rest of us. The bar was pretty dead but we still managed to harass the other customers. It had been put off for far too long and strippers were required.

We headed off in a random direction and within 2 minutes we were being ushered into the Paradise Bar as 2 gypsy hookers tried to steal PS’s wallet. Although he quite liked them playing with his nads they didn’t get anything. Got to the bar and within 30 seconds I was handing over 1000 crowns for a dance. The other guys discovered the ‘Kontact lesbo show’ and 3 of them went in for that. When they came out they were giggling like little school kids. Any midgets in the room would have lost an eye. From the laughing the only thing I could make out was Steve rubbed an ice cube round one of the girls’ chocolate starfish.

With most our holiday money spent in the first night it was decided to head to a bar near the hotel as we had to be up early for the shooting. On the way back PS managed to pick up a nice 500 crown fine for pissing in the street and surprisingly didn’t get locked up for trying to steal the Police officers fur hat.

Got to a bar called the Châteaux rouge. One dodgy looking place during the day but with a nice big vodka coat on it doesn’t seem that bad. With everyone ‘up for it’ Absinth is quickly ordered and the casualties started appearing. CL just disappeared. DR spewed over a railing into the main stairwell and JL managed to spew on some burds shoe as he was chatting her up. It did put her off though.

4am and we were chucked out. Got the numbers off the burd and said goodbye….. Didn’t really care at this point that most of the other guys were missing.

Woke up at 7:30 by CL banging on my door. Didn’t ask where he had been was too tired and had to get up in an hour so that I could start shooting stuff with a 12 bore shotgun.

tips

2005-01-12T18:34:00.000Z

Recieved a tip on a horse today. Not knowing too much about horse racing and against my better judgement I put a bet on and won. A measly 8 quid, but better than nothing.

Recieved my T-Shirt for JM's stag. apt quote on the front ' Boobies make me smile'. How true! only 2 days left to go until a long weekend of cheap beer and dancing girls, can't wait.

highlight

2005-01-11T15:12:00.000Z

Highlight of the day: Watched Wild Things. Denise Richards and Neve Campbell. Nuff said!

pick on the big guy.

2005-01-09T11:19:00.000Z

A football fueled day.

Afternoon: Watched the old firm game and wished I had done something else. It was rubbish.

Evening: traveled through to Edinburgh for Powerleague. Wishing that it would be called off due to the torrential rain and gale force winds outside. After aquaplaning for the upteenth time we arrive.
Game gets underway and I get off to a flyer. Setting up the first and scoring the 2nd and 3rd (from the spot). 4th would have been mine if the keeper didn't stop the 20 yard rocket with his nuts. (That must have ruined his sex life for a week.)
After going 5 clear the biggest player on their team starts putting his weight about and pushing people about. He tries it with me. Except he pushes me and I go flying into one of their players with my elbows nose height. I laugh at him, which winds him up even more.
2nd half I have the ball. Have goals under my belt and just pegged 2 players in a row. Dribble past 2 beat the big guy who punches me in the stomach. I finish off the move by scoring then start calling the fud a dirty bastard to his face and giving him loads of gyp. The ref steps in and I continue the back chat. He goes of mumbling.

Everytime I get the ball, he starts charging at me. Excellent. I pegged him a couple of times and made a fool of him. He doesn't come near me the rest of the game.
Game ends with a 12-4 victory to us. The guy comes over and shakes my hand. Since this happens everytime we play them I just think 'until next time'.

Get showered, changed and head off to the pub in Dunblane to get beat at darts buy AS, a complete bandit.

New motor

2005-01-08T11:00:00.000Z

After waking up and wishing I hadn't eaten 2 very tasty but extremely hot n' spicy homemade enchiladas I meet KA and drive to cumbernauld to pick up his new purchase - a P reg golf VR6.

After the inevitable racing I head home, knowing that all I needed was a little bit of gold and some Burberry.

Professional

2005-01-07T10:55:00.000Z

Set the scene:
Formal team meeting held in conference room. 11 people around an long oval shaped desk with people dialed in.
Team leader : "I would like to try and make this a more formal meeting, with published minutes"
Looking down the table while he is saying this I see; a 40+ colleague and a 26 year old colleague playing naughts and crosses on an old banana peel.

what an organisation!

how to spend a day

2005-01-06T15:15:00.000Z

This morning was spent having an email discussion with DD on the massive amounts of aid given to disasters and the fact that half of it gets there and the other half is used to pay western contractors along with Mr Browns excessive use of the term "Marshall Plan". Which I'll confess I had to look up. Afterwards I felt old.

While feeling slightly younger: JM's stag is fast approaching and the currency converter makes the weekend look even better. At 44 czech crowns to the pound and the booze costing about 50-60 crowns we should have a good time.

Its been a while

2005-01-05T13:23:00.000Z

Well as I though xmas and new year have done their worst and the avoidance of fried foods for breakfast and chips at lunchtime has begun.
The healthy eating (forgetting a McD's for lunch yesterday) has started, trying to make up for the gluttonous behavior displayed over Christmas and new year. Probably won't help but my consience will be better for it.

Other factors contributing to my "can't be f*cked" attitude are football manager 2005 and a pile of DVD's that would make Virgin envious. As well as the fact, that to go to the gym means going near the hoards of crazy ass bargin hunters that makes going anywhere almost impossble.

fat bas

2004-11-03T16:26:00.000Z

Far too much booze and meals out have been consumed hence the motivation to go to the gym. Even though I know that it is all a waste of time since christmas is coming and more nights out are bound to happen.

whoa

2004-10-15T13:52:00.000+01:00

As you can see this hasn't been updated in a while, but nothing exciting has really been happening apart from watching Scotland loose again and getting pished whenever the opportunity arises.

One notable change though is the purchase of the Alfa. Bloody hell it is quick! unfortunatly so is the petrol gauge to go down.
Thoughts of what the F*ck and I'm going to be skint, have went through my mind, but it is a quality motor.

I probably won't live long enough or have the car in once piece long enough to really worry...
Even the guys at work are suggesting a sweep steak on how long it is before I loose my license, prang it or injure myself.

i should be ok...... I should shouldn't I......oh well f*ck it! I'll die with a smile on my face and a present in my pants.

cheeky girls

2004-10-02T18:09:00.000+01:00

Who on earth buys singles from the cheeky girls and dj casper. It is the most rubbish I've heard in ages.
Sitting in work for 7 hours on a saturday is bad enough but having my ears violated by DJ Caspers mince songs is even worse.
How can he possible walk down the road without hanging his head in shame.

amusing slang.

2004-09-29T13:18:00.000+01:00

Much amuzment has been found from looking up all the phrases being banded about recently. Some of which are:

Space docking and virgina steamers are mingin' but very funny.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=space+docking&r=f

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=virginia+steamer

wendys is not that funny but the 1st explanation is quality.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wendys&r=f

there is always one:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Smurfette&r=f

and finally for Souza ( no. 5 )

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=spg&r=f

dirty bristow

2004-09-27T10:37:00.000+01:00

So far this whole week has been full of good things.
Sorted out my trip down to Chelsea when the Porto game is on, doing deal on a car, thumping the bottom team in the power league 24-7 and finding out what a Dirty Bristow is.

I think getting a Dirty Bristow has to be one of the funniest things I have heard in a long time and I can't put any words down to describe it that would do it justice. To find out more you'll just need to read the Viz or find someone that can mimic the actions.

Pretty sure I have secured a deal on a gtv, which should be quality. Although disapproving looks from my folks were received when I told them. I'm sure the thought of me wrapping myself round a tree was running through their minds as it was in mine. Whatever happens it should be fun.
At least I'll be moving away from the old man's diesel and throwing away cash on petrol like a 25 year old male should.

riveta

2004-09-23T16:29:00.000+01:00

What is the point of Riveta when you smother it in Dairylea spread? I counted 3 women in the office eating the stuff. Like that is going to help.

However that wasn't the funniest thing about it. They started complaining about the fact that IT staff get free breakfast rolls on a Friday. Susequently the free roll offer was cancelled due to complaints.
I find it funny that women eating bits of cardboard complain about people being offered free fatty rolls. Especially when they are on a diet anyway.

Managed to book Chelsea Village for next Wednesday night when I'm down in Osterley. Just so happens that Chelsea are playing Porto that same night. That should wind up all my Chelsea supporting family.

why o' why

2004-09-22T16:36:00.000+01:00

Don't know entirely why I created this blog. Probably due to the fact most other people I know have one. I suppose I can be put into the sheep category.

I suppose I should put some form of disclaimer for people I'll offend by writing on this thing. So here goes;

If you feel offended by anything I've written then I'm sure you've done something to piss me off. So to avoid being offended don't annoy me.